Camp Konoha
by JinnySkeans
Summary: "Kiddie Camp Counselor" looked SO GOOD on his college applications. But facing another summer with his aggravating friends, a hundred screaming kids, and the most infuriating girl on the planet, Sasuke wonders where he left his sanity. Probably in the river between boys' and girls' camp. AU
1. Eternal Frustration

The bus ride was the stuff of nightmares, and Sasuke seriously hoped this wouldn't set the tone for the rest of the summer.

He slumped in the backseat, earbuds in his ears, iPod playing a song that was probably too loud to be any good for his hearing, but he really, _really_ couldn't take listening to Naruto, who was working his way down from 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall, and had so far made it to 437. He stared irritably out of the window at the scenery racing by, lush green forests and trees so tall and thick they blocked the sunlight in places.

_How did I get suckered into this?_ he thought viciously, circling his thumb around the volume button on his iPod and turning the music up so high his chest vibrated.

Every year he asked himself the same question, because every year, on the third Monday in June, Sasuke Uchiha found himself forced into a swelteringly hot schoolbus full of assholes, shuttled off into the middle of the woods for a month and a half. This was now his fourth (and final) year as a camp counselor for the Konoha elementary school campers.

He'd never have done it, if it hadn't looked so sparklingly beautiful on his college applications. Sasuke got along with kids about as well as he got along with anyone: badly. But when he'd committed to Konoha University the previous winter as a senior, they'd _loved_ the fact that he was a camp counselor, carving an entire month out of his summer to devote to children-he-secretly-hated-and-sometimes-not-quite-so-secretly-hated-because-children-are-all-awful.

Having some of his friends along for the ride made things slightly more tolerable, but not by much. Naruto was still raucously singing, oblivious to the atmosphere of complete and utter revulsion at his voice, and further ahead sat Kiba, dozing off beside his dog Akamaru-who-Sasuke-hated. Sai was sitting towards the front with his ever-present sketchbook in hand, drawing something Sasuke didn't care about. Shikamaru was stretched across an entire seat, sleeping contentedly, and Suigetsu was yelling into a cell phone at his on-again, off-again girlfriend Karin.

"Attention, Counselors," the bus driver called over the intercom; Sasuke recognized his voice as belonging to Kakashi Hatake, one of his counselors back when he used to attend as a camper. "We're approaching Camp Konoha. Please report to your designated cabins, unpack your things, and don't forget the welcome dinner in the mess hall, 6 pm."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Every year the same thing. Counselors always arrived two days before campers did, to get their schedules and prepare for the hundred screaming children who would invade the camp. There was a shitty welcome dinner with the female counselors (Sasuke was not looking forward to that) and a counselors-only wilderness retreat the day before the kids arrived.

When Konoha University accepted Sasuke, he seriously considered not returning for this final year of camp. Now that he'd accomplished being admitted to his first choice school, he didn't really need to pretend he cared about the well-being of children any longer.

Unfortunately, this last year was required. Part of Sasuke's admission, as a matter of fact; if he bailed, he could lose his business and finance scholarship.

A month and a half of pure, unadulterated, agonizing torture seemed a small price to pay for his future at the time.

But as he sat on this bus, shuttled off to East _Bumblefuck_ for the twelfth consecutive summer, he wasn't quite so sure it was.

* * *

Camp Konoha was positioned in the valley, surrounded on all sides by trees and in the distance, a mountain range sometimes visited for snowboarding trips, if the camp donors were particularly generous that year. There were 12 cabins, 8 for boys and 4 for girls, with a counselor in charge of each one; boys' and girls' cabins were separated by a shallow river that did _absolutely nothing_ to keep boys from reaching girls and vice versa.

Sasuke was assigned to Cabin 7, as he had been since he was a child. This year, he would be managing six rowdy little boys, and the prospect was daunting, to say the least. For now, though, the cabin was silent as he entered, musty but somewhat clean, and he savored the transient moment of peace.

"Hey, teme, no fair, your cabin's bigger than my cabin!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto joined him inside, having already deposited his backpack inside Cabin 3.

"Seriously, asshole, why do _you_ get the big cabin?"

"I have six kids," Sasuke muttered. "You only have four."

Naruto scoffed. "Probably just Granny thinking I can't handle it."

Sasuke smirked at that; Tsunade, the woman who sponsored the camp, had a personal vendetta against Naruto, and it was always amusing to watch her act on it. Naruto's proclivity towards calling her 'Granny' and 'Old lady' and 'God you're old' was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Even so, Sasuke would gladly have switched positions with his best friend; two less children seemed less like a punishment at the moment, and more like a stay of execution.

Ignoring Naruto's grumblings, Sasuke passed by three sets of bunkbeds, trying not to imagine the slobbery, fat children who would soon be occupying them, and entered the counselor's bedroom. It was small but private, and it had a door with a lock, so he would be safe from any nighttime visits by the kids. (And Naruto.)

He pulled a set of cotton sheets from his suitcase and tugged them over the thin mattress of his cot, and continued unpacking while Naruto followed him inside.

"Nice canopy," he sneered.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It's a mosquito net."

"It's for princesses."

"Hn. You are a professional idiot."

"Whatever you say, Princess. Hey, where are the girls, have you seen 'em yet?"

"No."

"Well I _can't wait._ Each year those girls get cuter and cuter…I wonder what they'll look like _this_ year! And don't even lie, I know you're excited to see _Sakura-chan._"

Sasuke stiffened marginally but continued as though he hadn't heard, setting his toothbrush on the sink with a tube of toothpaste beside it.

Sakura Haruno was one of the female counselors and, like him, this would be her last year at Camp Konoha. She was in charge of Cabin 10 across the river.

She was also a source of _eternal frustration_ for Sasuke.

She wasn't like other girls. She wasn't _normal._ She was, for starters, totally and completely unafraid of him, and totally and completely unafraid of speaking her mind. She seemed to love arguing with him, and she picked fights with him over the silliest things. (He wouldn't admit that he did the same thing.) And she teased him and gave him coy little looks behind thick black eyelashes and her hair was _pink,_ for God's sake, and she was _annoying._

And yeah, he could freely admit that she was hot. Another thing that _eternally frustrated_ Sasuke was how very _distracting_ she could be. Because while Sakura was calling him out on his personality flaws, she was doing so in a flimsy two-piece that left practically _nothing_ to the imagination, or a pair of short shorts that did nothing but show off her long legs, or-

"She's back this year?" Sasuke asked boredly, trying not to sound interested, because he knew Naruto would read too much into it.

"You know she is, teme, quit acting like you don't Facebook stalk her."

"Get help," Sasuke advised his best friend. He unloaded the last of his shower things and glanced at his cell phone for the time: 5:53. Tsunade wouldn't tolerate lateness on the first day. "Let's go, we'll be late to that dumbass dinner."

"Don't change the subject, asshole!" Naruto, keeping pace with him, was grinning broadly, like he knew some secret Sasuke hadn't been told yet. "You can lie to yourself but not to me, I know you've been into Sakura-chan since middle school!"

Sasuke ignored him, retracing the beaten path through the woods to the Mess Hall.

"And you guys totally try and play it off like you hate each other, too. Yeah _right._ I wouldn't be surprised if you banged each other by the weekend!"

The back of Sasuke's neck flushed, and he couldn't stop the cavalcade of images that paraded through his mind, of two bodies rolling around on a flimsy camp cot, pink hair splayed against a cotton pillowcase, stormy green eyes half-lidded and pink lips parted in-

"Well, hey there, boys!"

Sasuke looked up and directly in his path saw the object of his (fantasy) frustrations standing before him. His eyes wandered across her body without his permission, taking in legs that seemed even longer than he remembered, a tiny waist, a fair-sized chest. Long, shiny pink hair, unaffected by the summer humidity, and a smile tilting full flower-pink lips.

"Sakura," Sasuke said coolly. To his (relief) satisfaction, his voice remained detached, apathetic as he regarded his co-counselor for the first time in a year.

She was wearing a pair of microscopic shorts that drew attention to her legs and ass…ets, along with a thin tank top in a beige color that was precisely two shades darker than her alabaster skin. She was also smiling, and he found her especially annoying when she smiled. That meant she was _happy,_ and Sasuke simply couldn't allow that.

"Sasuke," she returned, her voice serious but her eyes playful. "Long time, no see, thank God. How was your school year?"

"Wonderful," he shot back, "because you weren't in it."

Far from being offended, Sakura looked delighted. Not that he would _ever_ admit it, but the better part of his rapport with Sakura consisted of exchanging vicious barbed insults in quickfire succession. And not that he would say it, but he didn't…_not_ enjoy it. Sometimes. Whatever.

"Oooh, kitty likes to scratch," she observed coyly.

"Hi, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed suddenly, reminding everyone that he was there, too. Sakura saw him and her coquettish smile turned bright and happy.

"Naruto!" she exclaimed, laughing happily when the blonde grabbed her in a bone-crushing hug and spun her around in a circle. Sasuke rolled his eyes, muttering something about a 'disgusting display' and 'purely, seriously sickening' as Sakura regained her footing and began chattering at a thousand miles a minute all about her year to Naruto.

Deciding to ignore them both, he stalked inside the Mess Hall and told himself he wasn't bothered by anything. He took a seat at Sai and Shikamaru's table and pointedly ignored everyone as they all took seats as well.

Sakura was apparently bipolar, another extremely annoying tendency. She could vacillate from snarky-vicious-bitch mode when speaking with him, to bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl-next-door when talking to pretty much everyone else.

Not that he was upset or anything, by her blatant animosity.

Because he _wasn't,_ okay?

"You are not eating," Sai observed from across the table, and Sasuke glanced up at his friend with narrowed, don't-fuck-with-me eyes. Sai was okay, but he had difficulty relating to people sometimes, and often said (infuriating) things that could offend or anger whoever he was talking to. "I read that when someone refuses to eat, they are suffering from the eating disorder known as anorexia nervosa. So you are an anorexic?"

Sasuke reminded himself that Sai was very, very sheltered, and did not mean anything by his comments. But given that he was _already_ riled up by Sakura's annoying antics, his temper was considerably shorter than normal. He opened his mouth to completely and colorfully insult Sai's every ancestor, when he was mercifully interrupted by the arrival of Camp Director Tsunade.

She was a tall, striking woman with long blonde hair, and despite her advanced age, she maintained a witchy, youthful appearance and had no shame showing off her curvaceous figure. There was also a no-nonsense tone about her that Sasuke begrudgingly admired; Tsunade was not the kind of woman you screwed with.

Unless, of course, you were severely mentally handicapped. Like Naruto.

It wasn't that Sasuke was _afraid_ of Tsunade per se. He just had very good self-preservation instincts.

She stood behind a podium where all the counselors could see her, a number of people standing beside her.

"Good evening, and welcome back to Camp Konoha," she said with a smile. Some of the counselors cheered. Sasuke just stared. "I'm Tsunade, director of this camp and as far as you're all concerned, The _Fucking Lizard King_. Do not fuck with me."

"The old bat's nothin but talk," Naruto hissed in a stage whisper. He sat across from Sasuke and showed every sign of Naked Rebellion.

"Uzumaki, ten minutes back here and you're already on my shit list," Tsunade snapped.

"I'm surprised your ancient ears could hear what I was saying!" laughed Naruto, clapping Sai on the back.

"You snot-nosed little imbecile, that's _latrine duty_ for the week!"

Naruto's gleeful expression melted into one of pure horror. Sasuke recalled the only day he'd been assigned to cleaning the camp latrines, a dark, sad day three years ago, and shuddered, not envying his best friend's fate in the slightest.

"As I was saying," Tsunade continued, switching from vicious to sweet as quickly as Sakura could, "welcome back. Your camp supervisors will be, as always, Asuma Sarutobi and his wife Kurenai," she indicated the burly man with a cigarette in his mouth, holding hands with an attractive brunette, both of whom waved, "Kakashi, the activities director," she gestured next to Kakashi, who smiled from behind his mask and continued reading a tiny orange book, "and Shizune, camp nurse.

"We're looking forward to a wonderful summer here at Camp Konoha!"

Sasuke did not share in this optimism. He scanned his fellow counselors with revulsion, the directors with suspicion, his best friend with disgust, and the pretty girl with pink hair sitting at the next table, surrounded by her friends, with (interest) apprehension.

This was not going to be a wonderful summer.

This was going to be _torture._

* * *

**_note.._ **Well hello there :) Since Catch You Later's drawing to a close, I thought it best to start a new lighthearted, silly, meaningless summer story featuring our two favorite characters. So I hope you like it and stick around for more :)

Next chapter: Find out what the job entails, meet all the counselors at the retreat, and see what's what from Sakura's perspective. (I'm gonna flip back and forth between them each chapter.)

Let me know what you think, and please don't favorite/alert without reviewing on account of that makes you lame, and none of you are lame ;) Get at me, readers. Love you :)


	2. Soooo Not Jealous

Sakura collapsed onto her bed back in Cabin 10 with a gusty, tired sigh.

The campgrounds were three hours from her home, but she mused to herself that it felt as though she'd traveled weeks to get there. That was the curious thing about going anywhere by bus: even if all you did was sit in a seat for hours listening to your iPod, it was _exhausting._

Sakura was a city girl by heart. She thrived on the fast pace, the restlessness, the feeling that if she wasn't out doing something, she was missing out on something. She loved never having to drive anywhere herself, loved public transportation, loved swearing colorfully at taxi drivers who came close to hitting her on the crosswalk, and at men on the subway who got too fresh. _Loved_ the city.

Still, it was nice to get away every so often. As she lay on her back, staring at the wood paneling on the ceiling overhead and listening to the cicadas outside, she couldn't deny that it was relaxing. The woods were alive, too, just in a different way.

The air, for example, was fresh and clean. Even if she loved the city, she couldn't deny that there was a certain charm to how open and natural it was out here.

She lucked into the cabin by the river, the one with the best view, and the closest proximity to the communal shower house. Ino had not been pleased that the cabin _she_ was assigned to was the farthest away, something that Sakura lorded over her the entire bus ride up to camp.

Sometimes, it paid to be Tsunade's favorite.

Sakura giggled to herself and turned on her side, facing out the window. It was a crescent moon that night, and the reflection off the river was bright and beautiful. Without the smog and pollution of the city, she could make out all the stars overhead, and the smell of fresh pine wafting inside her cabin through the screen door was comforting.

This would be her last foray into the wilderness at Camp Konoha. She'd been attending for years, first as a camper, and the last four years as counselor. She'd made a good many friends, a few enemies, and a certain indefinable _something_ out of co-counselor Sasuke Uchiha. It was a good run.

She decided to make the most of what little time she had left here. Smelling the trees and the crisp clean air, she smiled and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura found herself in the mess hall in front of a bowl of Cheerios, feeling anything but cheery.

_Sooooo not a morning person,_ she thought miserably, glaring at the soggy cereal as though it had said something disrespectful to her. All the good vibes she'd been experiencing the night before, all the optimism, _vanished_ because people were not meant to be up and active before _seven am._

"Morning, Sakura-chan!"

Naruto's voice was gratingly loud in her ear, nauseating with its cheerfulness and she turned her glare on him instead, and was greeted with a primal enjoyment when he shrunk away from her.

"Er..on second thought…maybe I'll go say hi to…um…anyone else. See ya on the trail, Sakura-chan!"

He disappeared, and Sakura smirked before returning to her Cheerios. She scooped out a spoonful and raised it tiredly to her lips, when another uninvited asshole decided to disregard her "don't-fucking-talk-to-me" demeanor and plopped his sorry ass on the bench in front of her.

"You look like shit, Haruno," Sasuke Uchiha said coolly, a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Likewise," she hissed back. "It's too early to deal with your shit. I already don't want to do this stupid hike."

"For once, I agree with you," he muttered. Sakura got a good look at him; he looked messy, rumpled, his tousled hair tangled and falling in his eyes. He was halfway through his coffee and looked even more pissed off than usual. "Getting-to-know-you activities. Tch. I know everything I need to know about _you_ already."

"Really?" Sakura cocked an eyebrow. Sasuke was infuriating, but she was starting to wake up a little bit. Let it never be said he wasn't good for conversation. "And what's that?"

"You're a harpy. A shrew. A loud, screechy little howler monkey and you make me sick to my stomach."

Sakura giggled, and Sasuke smirked. She supposed maybe she should be more offended by Sasuke's blunt synopsis, but truthfully, she had such a fun time disagreeing with him at every turn that she couldn't be upset by words that had long since lost their ability to upset her.

Their witty banter was interrupted by the arrival of Ino, who looked sparklingly lovely first thing in the morning, a fact which Sakura thoroughly resented her for. She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at the pair of them, hands on her hips.

"Well, well, well, lovebirds," she sang. Sakura rolled her eyes; so did Sasuke. "Look at you two, connecting already over a romantic breakfast on a woodland adventure!"

"Shut your hole, Ino, it's too early," Sakura groaned at her best friend. She ran her fingers through her long, thick pink hair and tried to restore some semblance of order to her appearance. "What time do we have to leave?"

"A half hour, according to Tsunade," Ino replied, dropping onto the seat beside Sakura and examining her nails with interest. "Not sure what the getting-to-know-you angle of this is supposed to do; we've been going to camp together for years. Not like we don't already know everything about each other anyways."

"Well at least I can skip out on my cardio today," Sakura said reasonably, attempting to find a bright side to this uselessness. "Since this hike's gonna take all day anyways. And be a brutal motherfucker."

"Whatsamatter?" Sasuke sneered. "Can't hack it on those skinny legs of yours?"

"I've seen you giving those skinny legs of hers the once-over, Uchiha, so try and remember that this hike today includes ALL of us, and keep it in your pants." Ino made the remark just as Sakura opened her mouth to retort, prompting a laugh from her best friend and a high-five and a rare flush to Sasuke's pale face.

Sasuke was always gorgeous (it was unfortunate that someone with so rancid a personality had so glorious a face; God really made _no_ mistakes on that one), but Sakura found him infinitely more attractive when he blushed. It was so very _rare_, but it looked so _good,_ and it didn't hurt that he'd gone for a white v-neck T-shirt, the kind every single guy ever looked great in, especially guys as jacked as Sasuke was, and-

She halted that train of thought with a quick shake of her head. It was way too early for her to be awake; that was the only explanation as to why she was ogling Sasuke Uchiha like a horny schoolgirl.

"Oh, look, there's that skank who hates you, Forehead," Ino said suddenly. Sakura looked up and, to her dismay, saw that Ami Watanabe, an old playground nemesis of Sakura's, had entered the cafeteria.

Sakura was a confident girl nowadays, secure in her appearance and her personality and bolstered by so many supportive friends, but it wasn't always the case. There was a time in her life when she was hampered by crippling self-doubt and targeted by every schoolyard bully who crossed her path. Bullies like Ami.

They'd gone to elementary school together, before Ami's abrupt move to Tsuchigakure, and they only ever saw each other during summer camp, but they maintained a healthy level of antagonism towards one another all the same.

"Sas-_kaaaaayyyyyy!_" Ami sang from the doorway, beady eyes locked on the object of her affections, and Sakura bristled with anger she told herself was absolutely _not jealousy._

She glanced at Sasuke, who barely looked up as his name was called (screeched) across the mess hall. Ami crossed the room like a shot and latched herself onto his arm in a tentacular grip.

"I haven't seen you since last summer!" she squealed. "Well, not counting all the times I stared at your Facebook page hitting 'Refresh' over and over again waiting for you to update your relationship status but that was only like six or seven times a day at the most so it's been such a long, lonely year without you, just me and that picture I took of you last summer coming out of the shower and oh _Sasuke_ I'm so glad we're together, our love can survive any and all obstacles and here we are at the-"

Sasuke stood abruptly, wrenching his arm from her grasp. Without so much as acknowledging Ami's existence in any way, he nodded to Sakura and Ino.

"Hn. Let's go."

Sakura raised her eyebrows and glanced at Ami, who looked not the slightest bit put out at the blatant rejection. Instead, she waved cheerfully to Sasuke, with nothing more than a, "Well, I'll see you on the trail, Sasuke my only love!"

"Well that was sufficiently nauseating," sighed Ino as they all made their way outside.

Sakura turned an accusing glare on Sasuke, who rolled his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that," he snapped.

"You're a slut, Sasuke Uchiha," she hissed viciously, despite knowing that in no way, shape, or form had Sasuke reciprocated any aspect of the sickening display she'd just witnessed.

"Slut?" he scoffed. "What, are you jealous?"

"Jealous? _Jealous!_ I'd sooner stick a spork in my eye than lower myself to _your_ standards!"

They reached the rest of the group, argument now in full swing; Sakura wasn't sure why she was so angry. She just knew that the sight of another girl with her arms around Sasuke made her sick to her stomach. It was an irrational hatred, but present nonetheless, and Sakura had never been extremely skilled at expressing herself in a healthy way.

"You are certifiable," Sasuke informed her, attracting everyone's attention to the familiar entertainment of Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno locked in a mean-spirited debate. "You should be sent to an asylum. They should study you and find whatever gene mutation made you the way you are and figure out a way to eradicate it for future generations."

"You are a mangy, fleabitten skankwhore, you are a filthy, scum-sucking amoeba and someday, I will act on my deepest fantasies and _kill you._"

"Right, Haruno. I'm sure _that's_ your deepest fantasy about me."

"You know, now that you mention it, you're right. I'd have to say my deepest fantasy would involve sliding you down a banister of razorblades into a vat of rubbing alcohol."

Someone cleared their throat loudly behind them, interrupting what was sure to have been a scathing response from Sasuke, to find Tsunade standing with her hands on her hips, eyebrows raised in amusement.

"Hate to call a halt to the infamous Uchiha-Haruno dialogue," she said, to general laughter from the other counselors gathered around them, "but it's time you all set out."

"What do you mean, 'you all?'" Naruto asked loudly. "Why ain't you coming?"

"Don't feel like it," Tsunade returned snidely. "Enjoy your hike up Mt. Hokage."

"Well I'm not going either," Naruto decided. "Since I don't feel like it neither."

"You'll go if I say you'll go, you nasty little monkey," Tsunade snarled, grabbing him by his ear until he started to cry. "Now, all of you up the mountain and back. I want teamwork and camaraderie from all of you, understand?"

"Yes ma'am," they all chorused dully.

"And make sure you never leave these two alone," she added, releasing Naruto to gesture towards Sakura and Sasuke, both of whom were fuming and waiting till she left to resume their fight "God knows what they'll do to one another if left unsupervised."

More snickers. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Sakura glared at him.

"We all know what they'll do to each other if left unsupervised," Kiba said in a stage whisper. "It starts with 's' and ends with unplanned pregnancy."

The benefit to having nothing but an entourage of asshole friends meant that Sakura's anger never lingered exclusively on one person for very long; she promptly forgot her beef with Sasuke, and whirled around to face Kiba with naked rage on her face and said in unholy tones to Kiba, "_You do not even know your pain!_"

"C-Calm down, S-S-Sakura-chan!" Hinata piped up, smiling nervously and grabbing her friend's hand for comfort. "Let's go to your h-h-happy pl-place!"

"Yeah, easy, Forehead," Ino added. "We all know when you finally bang Sasuke like we know you both want, you'll have the sense to use protection."

"Sometimes I think about killing you," Sakura confided in her best friend.

This was shaping up to be an absolutely horrendous day already, and it wasn't even eight am.

The fatalist in Sakura couldn't help but note how much more time in the day there was for things to go ape-fuck wrong.

* * *

The trail up Mt. Hokage was one they'd traversed many, many times before.

It was also the worst trail in existence.

The mountain was steep and rocky, had what Sakura estimated to be a 90-degree incline, and was so densely-populated with insects that seemed impervious to bug spray.

The good news was, she was reunited with all the old counselors, many of whom she adored, from all her years at Camp Konoha.

There was, of course, Sasuke. After their argument, he refused to speak to her at all up the mountain, and settled for giving her these frightening, murderous looks that would have intimidated someone less courageous than she was.

Then there was Naruto, who was leading the way, at least in his own mind. He couldn't navigate for shit, though, so that was left to Hinata, the sweetest girl Sakura had ever met, who was holding a map tight to her face to hide her permanent blush. She thought they would make a lovely couple, when and if Naruto ever pulled his head out of his ass and realized Hinata liked him so much.

Then there was Kiba, the boy who'd given her her first kiss three summers ago. She liked him well enough, but they decided after an adorable summer romance that they were better off as friends. (It was the weirdest thing, that whole summer, Sasuke was even meaner to her than he usually was.)

Kiba's best friend was a weird, forgettable kid named Shino, who wore dark sunglasses and a heavy coat even in the harsh summer heat. Sakura liked him well enough, he was cool to talk to, even if he kept tipping the conversation back to insects at every possible chance.

Ino, of course, Sakura's best friend since forever. She was being carried on Shikamaru's back at the moment, fanning herself from the unforgiving sun while her on-again, off-again boyfriend grumbled his dislike for the entire situation. He was a heavy smoker, Sakura knew, and was going through withdrawal here at camp, where Tsunade forbade good, lovely things like cigarettes and alcohol.

Shikamaru's best friend was Chouji; they'd been inseparable since they were children. Chouji was a very kind, very heavy high school graduate whom Sakura was very fond of. He was shoveling Pringles into his mouth as they made their way up the mountain, "carbo-loading," as he called it. Ino called it stuffing his face.

Sai was a relatively new addition to their ranks. Sakura had known the majority of the others as campers, but Sai came later in the game. He was a very skilled artist, a brilliant painter and sculptor, as well as the most socially-awkward person she'd ever met. He was learning how to interact with others, but it was a slow, uphill battle. (Not unlike this stupid fucking hike, she noted.)

Ami, unfortunately, rounded out the girls. Sakura rolled her eyes just thinking about her, and lost herself to a brief fantasy in which Sakura grabbed her by her greasy hair and threw her off Mount Hokage. _They'd probably give me a medal,_ she thought with a snicker.

And then, there was Lee.

Lee was very sweet, if not extremely hyperactive, and despite having graduated the year before, he'd persuaded Tsunade to let him sign on as a "super senior counselor," simply because he loved camping so much. He was loud and competitive, but absurdly polite at the same time, and nursed a very burning, very _public_ attraction to Sakura.

The twelve of them made up the Senior Counsel of Camp Konoha. It would be their last year together before heading off to college (Sakura was _not_ sorry to see the back of Ami) and, if they were lucky, this was the last fucking time they'd have to hike up Mount Hokage.

Sakura cared about the environment, but as she wiped sweat off her forehead with the back of her arm, she didn't think anyone would miss Mount Hokage if it burned up in a forest fire.

Oh, and if it took Ami with it.

And maybe Sasuke, too.

* * *

**note..** Yeah, I submit no excuse for my tardiness, but I hope you enjoyed this set-up chapter all the same! Things will pick up from here, I promise, and it won't take me so grossly long :)

Let me know what you think, dollfaces!

xoxo Daisy :)


	3. Road to Perdition

Sasuke was annoyed.

At any given point in the day, this statement was more often than not true of him.

There were many things in his life that grated on his nerves. His best friend, for example, currently leading this sorry ass expedition up Mount Hokage (Sasuke was convinced that the dobe was doing nothing but getting them more and more lost). Girls hanging all over him, like that chick with the creepy crush on him from this morning (Sasuke absolutely could not remember her name and didn't want to try.) Heat, and mosquitoes, and senseless hikes up mountains nobody would ever miss if he blew them up.

All of these things annoyed him, but none so thoroughly as one Rock Lee.

Lee was incurably stupid, in Sasuke's opinion. He was competitive, fiercely polite, a _freak,_ and perhaps his most prominent quality:

His creepy, unsettling obsession with Sakura Haruno.

Granted, Sakura herself found nothing creepy about it, merely laughing Lee's crush on her off as puppy love from a sweet boy. And maybe that was true, but Sasuke _hated_ Lee, and he wasn't entirely sure why.

At the moment, Sasuke was lagging behind slightly, watching as Lee recited a love poem to Sakura, arms aloft and bug-eyes wide and Sasuke _hated it._ He had absolutely no idea why this useless kid affected him so much, but was Sakura really stupid enough to fall for his cheesy lines and self-imposed challenges and nonsense?

"Sakura my beloved, you are more beautiful than the rocks of Mount Hokage!"

Sasuke snorted. What a compliment.

"Um, thanks, Lee," she replied, somewhat awkwardly, and Sasuke took a primal enjoyment in the way she squirmed. "How's college going? I'm so excited to start!"

This launched Lee into a conversation (riddled with useless hyperbole) all about how wonderful college was, how Sakura would love it, how he hoped she would luck into a dorm with a view as beautiful as she was.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he spitefully killed a mosquito on his arm instead of merely batting it away. He envisioned Lee's stupid face smeared on the corpse of the deceased and smirked, before Sakura's laughter wiped the smirk right off him.

How _dare_ that annoying little harpy _laugh_ at something the idiot said? She was _encouraging_ his nonsense. Did she have absolutely no intellect whatsoever?

He glared at the back of her head, before his gaze wandered inevitably…south. Back of his neck burning from something more than sunburn, he couldn't help but subtly appreciate how nicely she filled out her tiny cotton shorts. Long legs, calf muscles flexing, and a sweet, round…

Annoyance gave way to straight anger, and he ripped his gaze away from her. What was he _thinking?_ Sakura Haruno might be the hottest girl he'd ever seen, but appearances were deceiving. Much like a mermaid leading ships to their doom with her siren's song, her beauty barely concealed her true nature: that of the most infuriating, naïve, _annoying_ girl on the face of the earth.

Apparently, he was not alone in his anger. He glimpsed the girl-who-hated-Sakura, the one from this morning, giving Sakura the evil eye as they all trudged miserably up the mountain. Vaguely, Sasuke wondered what Sakura's great crime against this overzealous fanatic had been, to warrant such complete hatred; the girl, if he recalled, did not have any friends among the senior counselors, and Sasuke had to wonder why she kept coming back to Camp Konoha because of that.

Oh, _whatever._ The sooner they finished this hike, the sooner he could return to Cabin 7 and sleep away any distracting thoughts of a pretty witch with an ass you could bounce a quarter off of.

* * *

"I blame all of us," said Ino definitively. "Because all of us handed Naruto Uzumaki the reins, and all of us enabled him to lead us to our end."

"When a toddler gets behind the wheel of a car, and crashes the car into a tree and kills everyone in its path, you don't blame the toddler," Sakura added sagely. "You blame the competent entourage of camp counselors who _gave the toddler the keys_ and told him, 'Drive, kid. We trust you.'"

"Sakura," whined Naruto. "It was an accident! You're being mean!"

Sasuke didn't often agree with Sakura Haruno, but he was going to make an exception in this case. Because, thanks to Naruto's utter _stupidity,_ they had been hiking for hours…and were now completely lost.

They'd wandered off the trail three hours ago, thanks to Naruto's gut instinct that 'this is a shortcut'. Sasuke, meanwhile, had been too busy trying not to stare at his distractingly-hot archnemesis, and hadn't questioned a thing about it at the time. Now, he cursed himself straight to hell for allowing Sakura to ruin his life, with help from Naruto, for the umpteenth time since he'd met them.

"I'm not getting any cell reception up here," Chouji said in despair; he'd run out of Pringles an hour ago, which made their situation all the more dire. Sasuke was slightly concerned if they didn't get some food in him soon, he'd begin by eating them all one by one.

"We're g-g-going to d-die!" sobbed Hinata, losing herself completely. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at Hinata, asshole!" hissed the pink-haired viper he was trying very, very hard to ignore.

"Shut up, you passive-aggressive bitch," he shot back.

"_What did you just call me?_"

"What, are you deaf now on top of being _psychotic?_"

"The only thing psychotic about Sakura," Lee declared in ringing tones, inserting himself into their (fight) conversation, "is how countless men are driven crazy by her beauty and charm!"

Sasuke's meager breakfast made its way dangerously up his throat, but before he could throw up all over Lee as punishment for making him listen to such hideousness, Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose and said sharply, "All right, let's not fight, we need to figure out how to get back to camp."

_You started this, you lunatic!_ He thought angrily.

"But what about our assignment, Ugly?" asked Sai mildly. "We were instructed to hike to the top of Mount Hokage and back. You are proposing to return to camp without completing Tsunade's objective. Is rebelliousness a characteristic of the incurably ugly?"

Sasuke snorted with laughter, and ignored the deathly glare Sakura shot him. Sometimes, Sai was good to have around.

"It's gonna be dark soon," Kiba said flatly, looking up at the sky; the sun was high, but by the time they found the trail again, it would most likely be nightfall. "And there's bears and shit on this mountain. And I love all of you, believe me, but I will absolutely feed you girls to all the bears to save my own ass."

"Who says chivalry is dead," Sakura quipped darkly, and Kiba laughed. Sasuke's eyes narrowed immediately at him. How dare he find Sakura _amusing._

"Camp is south," he gritted out, turning his glare on Sakura, too. "We'll head south."

"Okay, Columbine, which way's south?" Naruto demanded.

"Not Columbine, you _ape,_" hissed Ino.

"Oh, right, Colombiana," Naruto quickly corrected himself, slapping his forehead. "She's that megahot chick who kills people."

"You are thinking of Columbus," said Sakura, folding her arms, which only succeeded in accentuating her chest, which, Sasuke couldn't help but notice, was rather impressive for a girl her size.

_What the fucking hell is wrong with me?_ He thought in naked panic, loathing himself to his core. _How can I find that crazy bitch so hot? How?_

"Who cares!" snapped Shikamaru, apparently losing his patience at last. "Sasuke's right. We have to head south. Judging by the sun's position, it should be that direction."

He pointed far off in the distance, and grumbled about leaving his cigarettes back at camp, which explained his unusually short temper, at least.

"All right, Shikamaru baby, lead the way!" sang Ino.

They set off in reverse, and suffice it to say, Sasuke had absolutely zero patience left for anything. He was bitten head to toe by mosquitoes, sweating like a whore in church, he couldn't stop ogling his worst enemy and his legs were killing him. His earlier snarky comment to Sakura about being unable to hack it on her skinny legs was coming back to haunt him, obviously.

Traitorous black eyes traveled traitorously towards the same set of legs he'd made fun of, and traitorous traitor thoughts about how good they looked in her shorts, muscles flexing with each movement, raced through his head until he could think of absolutely nothing else.

Maybe, if he just banged her once and got it out of his system, he'd get over this bizarre obsession with her.

It was too bad her personality was so horrendous. She was the prettiest girl he'd ever met, and he didn't understand why she couldn't shut her pretty mouth for five seconds so he could properly appreciate her.

His own thoughts repulsed him. He had no clue why he was spending so much time thinking about Sakura Haruno of all people, when he should really be concentrating on what he was going to do tomorrow, when the kids arrived at camp.

He shuddered at the prospect. He'd been so caught up in his frustration with Sakura that he'd plumb forgotten the purpose of coming here in the first place: to provide care and advice to the next generation of Konoha youth.

The very thought made him want to slit his own wrists.

It was getting darker the further they traveled. Ino was complaining loudly; so were Chouji and Kiba, while Sai mildly commented on everyone's interactions with enough concentrated rudeness to offend absolutely everybody; Hinata was fawning over a sulking Naruto, who hadn't eaten any ramen in a few hours and who was thoroughly put out at being replaced as leader; in fact, out of everyone, only Sakura remained quiet and didn't complain

It was a good look on her.

"We so should've just blown this whole thing off, yeah?" she sighed.

"Aa," he agreed, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she quickened her pace to match his. He was suspicious of her motives, as always, but she was good for conversation every now and then. She might have been sneaky, vicious, and a real, live harpy, but he could never say she wasn't intelligent, and sometimes, though he'd never admit it aloud, her sense of humor attracted him as much as her appearance.

"But my dearest Sakura!" sang out Lee, the sound grating on Sasuke's nerves, and he glared at the super senior counselor as he fell into step on Sakura's other side. "To wish away such a youthful excursion would be a vile, abominable waste of youth! Surely one as youthful as yourself should welcome the overall youthfulness of such an adventure!"

"Please!" snapped the girl-who-hated-Sakura, joining them all with her arms crossed. "The only thing she should welcome is a forehead reduction."

He had to hand it to Sakura; she could really throw the bitch switch in the blink of an eye. Not one nanosecond after the girl-who-hated-Sakura sniped her with a grating insult from their childhood did Sakura retaliate, balmy green eyes full of a hurricane of venom, and she spat out, "One more word to me and I will rip out each hair in your mustache."

Sasuke snorted. The girl-who-hated-Sakura glared. Lee looked astonished that anyone could insult his perfect Sakura's beauty.

So caught up were they in their petty, needless argument that they didn't even notice the gnarled tree root jutting up from the underbrush. The girl-who-hated-Sakura tripped over it and toppled to the ground with a scream that rang out through the treetops.

"OW!" she shouted, as everyone raced to her side. She gripped her ankle and wailed, "I think I broke my ankle!"

To Sasuke's surprise, Sakura came forward first, and knelt at the mean girl's side.

"Let me see," she said, almost solicitously, a complete 180 from the snarky bitch she'd been just seconds before to the girl she was now caring for. "Come on, Ami, don't be an overdramatic fat cow of fatness."

Okay, maybe not a complete 180. But the girl, Ami, whimpered and pulled her hands away from her ankle to give Sakura room to examine it.

"It's not broken," Sakura declared, to the relief of everyone on the hike. "You just twisted it. When we get back to camp, we can ice it down for you and if you take it easy the next few days, you'll be fine."

Sasuke was, against his will, impressed. He knew vaguely that Sakura aspired to be a doctor, but he'd never actually seen her in action. It seemed she already had a decent knowledge of common injuries, at least, and knew just by glancing at a wound how severe it was, and how best to treat it.

"But that means somebody has to carry your heffalump ass back to camp," Sakura added.

Okay, so maybe her bedside manner could use a little work.

"I volunteer!" Lee all but exploded next to Sasuke, nearly perforating his eardrum. Sasuke growled and vowed to demolish the meathead the second they were alone together (was it really so much to ask for, a little peace and quiet?) but Lee's volunteering saved him the hassle of carrying a squealing fangirl on his back the next thousand miles to camp.

So Ami was hoisted onto Lee's back while he proclaimed loudly and ostentatiously at what a test of youth this was; Ami didn't complain much at all, except for a glare in Sakura's direction that lacked any real venom as they set out once more, now laden down with one handicap.

"Impressive, Haruno," Sasuke said, now that Sakura was walking beside him again.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly suspicious of any freely-given compliment.

"You're not even jealous that Bonehead's all wrapped up in another girl."

It didn't have the desired effect; if anything, mocking Lee and Sakura sounded petty. Childish. Jealous, even, to his own ears, and since Sakura clearly had no romantic interest in Lee, the insult lost its thunder. She giggled instead.

"You know what?" she asked him conspiratorially. "I think it's pretty suspicious, don't you?"

"What?"

She looked side to side to make sure no one else was listening, before whispering, "She tells everyone how obsessed with _you _she is, but doesn't complain one _iota_ when _Lee_ offers to carry her back!"

If Sasuke cared even slightly about the romantic endeavours of any of his cohorts, he would have been interested in this speculation.

But his own romantic endeavours were more pressing at the moment: specifically, the suspicious way the back of his neck heated up whenever Sakura whispered too close in his ear.

He'd have to write his brother about that.

"Camp is only two miles from here!" Chouji announced suddenly, to general shock.

"How the hell do you know that, man?" Kiba demanded.

"Don't you smell it? They're making barbecue!"

"You can smell that from two miles away?" gasped Ino. "Chouji you're an animal! I thought _Kiba_ was bad!"

"I cannot _wait_ to get a shower!" Sakura sighed, shaking out her thick ponytail and sounding stressed. The scent of mint and jasmine shampoo wafted into Sasuke's nostrils at the motion and made him somewhat dizzy. It became instantly impossible to banish the image of a soaking wet, glistening Sakura in all her glory, and-

_I must be out of my mind,_ he thought vaguely. It could be the only explanation.

Sakura was dangerous. That much, he knew.

If he let her, she could start to claim more and more control over him. Even more than she had already.

He'd need to be very, very careful from now on, before he got himself in over his head. And Sakura seemed like the sadistic sort to really make him suffer, if that ever happened.

Needless to say, when the skylights from camp came into view, and the smell of barbecue reached his nose and Cabin 7 was visible through the trees, he was as happy as Sasuke Uchiha could ever be.

At least...until tomorrow.

* * *

**note..** Things I'm Inspired By: Phillies coming from behind to win (2 games in a row), Dance Moms (I love you, Abby Lee Miller), Batman (actually Bane and also Dr. Crane I will bang you both I will I will I promise I'm a dancer so I'm flexible), and my husband, with whom I signed a lease on a sweet ass apartment in South Philly today :)

If you were expecting Ami to be a stereotypical foil villain to Sakura, think again :) I have plans for that bitty, mhmm. And lots more to come so I hope you stick around! Love you guys :)


	4. Promotion Commotion

There are many things that go through a camp counselor's mind, the moment the school buses pull up into the parking lot.

For some, the concept is exciting. Like Naruto. Sakura knew Naruto looked at any child in his personal charge as a potential disciple, someone who could worship him, look up to him, admire his every move.

For others, like Sasuke, the concept is repulsive. Hordes of screaming mad children, grubby-fisted, teary-eyed, energetic little terrors, even. (Sakura found it odd that someone who openly despised children so much would choose a summer job taking care of them, but Sasuke made absolutely no sense whatsoever in the first place.)

And for the rest of the camp counselors, the neurotics like Sakura Haruno, the concept is terrifying.

She woke early and set about baby-proofing Cabin 10.

Her charges would be between the ages of six and twelve, and Sakura knew she was Tsunade's favorite, which meant she usually got a crop of decently-behaved children who didn't smell too badly. But the idea of having five innocent lives in her hands, when she couldn't even keep a potted cactus alive back home, made her physically nauseous.

_I'm gonna end up burying at least two of them,_ she thought in panic, scrubbing the hell out of the dusty floorboards with a toothbrush. _I know that. One will probably choke and I'll freeze up before I can do the Heimlich Maneuver, and one will most likely wander off into the forest whereupon she will be feasted upon by large, carnivorous birds…_

Sakura was familiarized with her own shortcomings. She had a rotten self-esteem, she had a wicked temper, she was more stubborn than forty-six donkeys and she was so neurotic, she was amazed she was still alive.

"I'm supposed to be a role model!" she wailed to the empty cabin, which now carried the unpleasant odor of bleach and ammonia. "Who could ever look up to this?!"

It wasn't that she disliked kids. In fact, she loved them. They were fun and interesting to watch, and she wouldn't keep coming back here if she hated them as much as Sasuke did.

The problem was her spastic, panicky nature, and her deep-rooted conviction that she was going to lose, harm, maim, or accidentally murder the five young girls who would soon be rooming with her here in Cabin 10.

"Just relax, Sakura," she told herself harshly, forcing herself to drop the toothbrush. "You've been doing this for years and you haven't lost a child yet. Gather your thoughts. Collect your bearings. You're going to be fine."

"First sign of insanity, Haruno. Talking to yourself."

Sakura's ruminations were interrupted by the deep, rumbling voice of her archnemesis from the doorway. She stiffened, and knew, _knew_ her cheeks were flaming as she jumped to her feet.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

Sasuke, to her eternal annoyance, looked impossibly handsome first thing in the morning. He stood in the threshold of her cabin with his arms folded, a nasty smirk on his face, smug in the knowledge that he'd caught her talking to herself. Despite the ordeal they'd suffered the day before on the hike up Mt. Hokage, he looked remarkably well-rested and aloof as ever.

"Take it easy, psycho. Tsunade sent me to get you."

"What's she sending you for?" Sakura sneered. "Are you her bitch now?"

Sasuke's smirk vanished, and he scowled at her.

"She didn't tell me why. Just hurry up."

"Gimme a second," Sakura sighed. She straightened her tank top and tied her hair up in a ponytail off her neck before sliding into a pair of sneakers. When she turned around again to join Sasuke, she saw that his cheeks were a little red, and he was pointedly looking away from her.

"What's your problem?" she asked suspiciously. "You look flushed. Are you sick?"

"None of your business, let's just get out of here."

"Ew, jerk, no need to get bitchier than you already are naturally. I'm coming. You know, nobody asked you to walk with me. You could've easily texted me or some shit."

"Like I have your number, you harpy." His cheeks were even darker than before. He stalked out of the cabin; Sakura, realizing how good it felt to have someone like Sasuke to take out her panic and aggression on, quickly followed and matched his pace with him.

"I know you have my number, because you _drunk-texted_ me that night over Thanksgiving break!" Sakura snapped gleefully.

Sasuke stopped dead and looked at her with something akin to horror in his eyes. It was the closest thing to fear she'd ever seen in his face, except that one time Lee had slept-walked into the dining hall and sat on his lap, and she relished such a moment.

"You swore you'd never talk about that again," he said hollowly.

"You're just lucky everything was spelled wrong, I couldn't even understand it!" Sakura laughed. "You know what, Sasuke? You are _more_ than welcome to come by my cabin in the mornings from now on, you are so GOOD for a laugh!"

"Bitch," muttered Sasuke, shoving his hands in his pockets as they made their way to Tsunade's office.

Sasuke's behavior that morning was strange, even for him. The more she thought about it, the more bizarre it was. After receiving a series of drunk, unintelligible text messages from him last autumn, she knew for a fact he had her phone number. Which meant he easily could have sent her a text telling her where to go this morning, instead of coming to pick her up himself. Especially since a _river_ separated his cabin from hers, and Tsunade's office was located on his side of camp.

And his cheeks were really flushed; so was the back of his neck. And Sasuke, like her, was particularly fair-skinned. There was almost never any color on his skin except for a deep tan at the end of the summer, but this looked almost like a blush. And the idea of arrogant, cocky, conceited Sasuke Uchiha _blushing_ nearly made her laugh.

Well, she had enough on her mind without contemplating the oddities of her sworn enemy. Spending too much time thinking about it was a waste of her valuable energy, and she needed to be at full strength for when the campers arrived.

They made their way to the red bridge that would take them back to the East Side. The skies overhead threatened rain; it was dark for 10 in the morning, and the wind had started to pick up as well. And that, frankly, was not prophetic of anything good when it came to this day-where-nothing-could-go-wrong.

"What do you think she needs both of us for?" she asked.

"Dunno."

"Ugh, could you BE more useless, you skank?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes so exaggeratedly that Sakura was surprised they didn't get stuck in the back of his head, before he spoke again.

"Sakura you know exactly what this is about."

The second he said it, she caught on; she blamed the early morning panic attack for her uncharacteristic stupidity; Tsunade, summoning Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno to her office right before the campers arrived? It could only mean one thing.

"You don't think…"

"Aa."

"She wouldn't! I'm her favorite!"

"That's exactly why she would."

"We can recommend someone else for this, can't we?" Sakura asked despairingly, grasping at straws at this point. "Lee, right? Lee would LOVE to do it! And so would that big fat Ami! And we'd be off the hook!"

"You'd trust Lee and Ami with being Head Counselors." Sasuke's tone was skeptical, and immediately Sakura was visited with a thousand images of Ami feeding on the larger ten-year-old campers while Lee turned a cartwheel for each camper eaten. Maybe he had a point.

"Still!" she moaned, as they reached Tsunade's office near the parking lots. "Damn it, Sasuke, I don't want to fucking do this shit."

"Pipe down, you're noisy," Sasuke grumbled. He was always so verbally abusive to her, Sakura noted, but his mother must've done SOMETHING right; he'd reached the door first and held it open for her, looking annoyed. Like his virulent dislike of her was at war with his gentlemanly nature.

She stalked through the door, contenting herself with a nasty glare in his direction, before Tsunade greeted them.

"Sakura!" she said warmly, with a grin. "How's my favorite girl?"

"Very well, thank you," Sakura replied sweetly, pointedly ignoring Sasuke's mutter of, "Oh for the love of God."

"Excellent. And Uchiha," Tsunade added, her voice menacing and losing all of its warmth as she narrowed her eyes in his direction. "Not that I much care how you're doing. Anyway, I'm sure it's no secret as to why I've called you both here."

Sakura and Sasuke exchanged a brief look of dread before meeting the camp director's smug smirk.

"Congratulations! You've both been selected as this year's Head Counselors!"

"Shit," Sasuke swore.

"Oh, holy _fuck_," moaned Sakura.

Tsunade didn't look remotely taken aback by their reactions, and Sakura begrudgingly knew why.

Being "promoted" to Head Counselor was practically a death sentence.

"I'm sure I don't need to go into all the details," Tsunade said snidely, reclining in her office chair and enjoying the joint looks of horror on their faces. "You've both been here long enough to know what your duties will entail. All the other counselors will report directly to you: you will assign cabins, supervise activities, organize field trips, mediate problems wherever necessary, consult with one another on camp-related matters and, of course, plan the getting-to-know-you dance between boys' and girls' camps."

"Thought you weren't going to go into detail," Sasuke spat sarcastically.

"I said I didn't need to," Tsunade shot back. "Not that I wasn't going to. It's my favorite part of summer, telling you little brats how you'll carry out my bidding. Now, if you're wondering why you two have been selected? That's for me to know and you to find out if I feel like telling you."

"I really, truly believe we're the wrong people for this," Sakura said desperately. "Actually, you know what? Sasuke's great for it. Perfect, actually. In fact, he was just telling me how much he loves organizing getting-to-know-you coed dances this morning! It's one of his favorite pastimes. So I really think he can be the sole Head Counselor this year."

Tsunade looked amused; Sasuke irate.

"Why, Sakura, I'm surprised at you. You know that Sasuke can't serve on his own. We need one girl and one boy."

"Can you think of two people within a one hundred mile radius who would be more dysfunctional than this arrogant farthead and me?" Sakura groaned, grabbing her ponytail in her stress. "Look at us, Ms. Tsunade! We would run this camp into the ground!"

"It's the only thing I'll ever agree with her on," Sasuke said nastily.

"I think about killing you sometimes," Sakura hissed.

"You see this?" Sasuke snapped at Tsunade, who was chuckling like they were a mildly-entertaining TV show. "You see this shit? You want me to work with her?"

"It _would_ mean a raise," sang Tsunade, like that was going to sweeten the pot.

"I have an idea," Sakura spoke up. "Why don't you let Ami take over? She's obese and everything so I'm sure she could use the extra money to buy transfats. And she and Sasuke would have a perfect rapport with one another. Sasuke was just telling me how he has a shrine built to Ami in his walk-in closet, between his collection of high heels and piles of cigarette filters he finds off the street."

"You're a nut ass bitch, you are certifiably insane, and you'd better sleep with one eye open." Sasuke's voice was dark, velvety, and threatening, and Sakura _hated_ herself for the thrill of butterflies that coursed through her stomach. Did he have to _sound_ as good as he looked?

Even when he was threatening her life?

"If you two are done bickering like an old married couple," Tsunade said dryly, which directed both of their indignant gazes back to her, "my reasons for selecting you both were my own, but the point is, I'm in charge, what I say goes, and you have no choice but to accept it so I suggest you do the best you can."

She rifled through the top drawer in her desk, looking for something, while Sakura despaired at the hopelessness of the situation, and Sasuke fumed silently beside her.

"Where the fuck did I put them…aha!" Tsunade found what she was looking for, two silver whistles. "Think fast, kids."

Sakura caught the projectile flying at her face in one hand and sighed in defeat before hanging it around her neck. It was a symbol of authority, but the whistle felt more like a noose.

Sasuke clenched his in his hand so hard, Sakura was surprised the metal hadn't bent.

"Now the campers will be here any minute, so get your squirrelly asses down to the lot. I want both of you meeting nightly to discuss camp progress and issues, understand?"

"Meeting _nightly?_" Sakura choked. "With _him?!_"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Sasuke snarled.

"All right, I've had enough!" Tsunade said in her booming voice that Sakura both respected and feared in equal measure. She rose to her feet, the palms of her hands slamming onto her desk hard enough to leave two dents in the cedar. "Whatever issue you both have with each other, I suggest you get over it _real quick_ or so help me God, I will call Konoha University and tell them to rescind both of your motherfucking scholarships!"

Sakura knew when fighting was necessary, but it seemed Sasuke lacked the same self-preservation.

"On what grounds?" he snapped.

"The grounds of you're both on my last nerve and if you think the Dean over at KU isn't on my speed dial, think AGAIN! Now get the hell out of my office. Congratulations on your promotions, don't disappoint me!"

* * *

This complicated matters.

Like, times a billion.

It was bad enough that Sakura's neuroses threatened to swallow her whole, and the same kids she loved year after year scared her to death. It was bad enough that it was going to rain, and she'd elected to wear a thin white tank top.

But _this?_

This was plain unfair.

Sakura was fully aware that her physical attraction to Sasuke Uchiha was dangerous. She took great pains to avoid admitting her attraction to herself, and hid it from the world by spitting venom in his direction whenever he was near. At least, she tried to.

But Head Counselors were essentially summer-long partners. They spent nearly every minute together that wasn't spent with their respective cabins. Sakura could hardly imagine what kind of trouble she could get herself into with that kind of proximity to Sasuke.

_What am I gonna do?_ Her thoughts were racing in panic as she trailed Sasuke out of Tsunade's office. _What the hell is going to happen NOW? I can't see this ending any other way than me jumping him in his cabin and getting arrested for sexual harassment! And I would probably do great in jail since I'd punch the biggest chick there to establish my authority and have an entourage of minions in a matter of hours but still! I don't think Konoha University would honor my scholarship if I'm a sexual deviant and wouldn't that just be SO SASUKE to press charges against me just to ruin my life the way he loves to do? And-_

"_SAKURA._"

"WHAT?" she shouted.

Sasuke was staring at her like she was insane, and maybe she was. His arms were folded, his eyes cold.

"Whatever nut ass conversation you're having with yourself in your head right now," he growled, "knock it off and listen to me."

Sakura opened her mouth to tell him what a mealy-mouthed crotch pigeon he was, but he cut her off.

"If we have to work together this summer," he growled, "and we do, because Tsunade hates me…let's at least agree on one thing."

She regarded him suspiciously, eyes narrowed, hands on her hips. "Go on."

"I want to give the monster kids to Naruto."

Taken aback, Sakura drank in the seriousness of his expression, and burst into peals of laughter.

Maybe, _just_ maybe, this wouldn't be a huge tumultuous disaster.

"Sure," she agreed.

"Good," he said, turning his back on her, and immediately her eyes snapped to the rock-hard calf muscles on the backs of his legs, rippling with each stride he took.

Then again, maybe it would.

* * *

**note..** Hello everyone! Hope you're having a good week! :)


	5. Incubus and Succubus

There is only one person in the world who knows the full contents of the drunken text message Sakura Haruno received from Sasuke Uchiha over Thanksgiving break.

That person is Sasuke Uchiha.

He was saved the torment of dealing with Sakura's no-doubt horrific reaction to those contents by his sheer inability to text properly while under the influence. In the end, she'd received a series of texts so atrociously garbled that she hadn't been able to decipher them.

If she had been able to read what he'd meant to text her, it would have looked a little something like this:

_"Sakura you're the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life. You annoy the shit out of me but you look so fucking good that I don't even mind. And you're smart sometimes about some things and I never told anyone but I definitely wouldn't mind seeing you naked."_

Luckily, what Sakura received was this:

_"Skura yioeh thteo hottetttegril anver eseen you anyjjre shirt out f jeem and sofuckinggood don't yejej midn. Smart ajtje and the while andd you mindse gn naked."_

That left absolutely no possible way for Sakura to figure out the unabashedly sexual overtone to the text.

But as Sasuke sat behind her at the table while she went through the roster of incoming kids, the scent of her shampoo swirling around in his nostrils and making him dizzy with desire, he was forcibly reminded of why he'd sent it.

Drunk with his friends in a rare moment of abandonment, his thoughts had wandered, as as they often did during the school months they spent apart, to Sakura. He remembered being sprawled out on the floor of Naruto's apartment, his messy hair in his eyes, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out how to sit up properly. The world was spinning and his stomach churned with all the whiskey he'd pounded back; the others had long since passed out, leaving him with absolutely no one to stop him from making the stupid mistake of scrolling through his contacts on his phone right to Sakura.

And the rest was history.

She looked fucking gorgeous as always today, dressed casually, minimal makeup with her hair in a ponytail. It gave a great view of her neck, and Sasuke was overcome by a sudden desire to kiss the exposed skin, before being instantly revolted by his own thoughts.

_What are you thinking?! She. Is. The. ENEMY! Keep it together!_

Convinced that this bizarre obsession with Sakura Haruno was purely physical, Sasuke wondered if maybe that was the problem, and therefore, the solution.

Maybe, if he banged her, just once, he could alleviate this frustrating need to be close to her all the time. Maybe it would relieve some of the agonizing pressure that erupted inside of him whenever she smiled too bright, or batted her eyelashes at him. Maybe it would eliminate the fond thoughts he had of her right before drifting off to sleep.

Because he was obviously possessed by Satan. Only the devil was powerful enough to incite thoughts of _fondness_ inside of him for that pink-haired succubus.

She was prattling on and on about the stupid list, trying to evenly distribute the children in such a way that they received the nicest, best-behaved children, and Naruto was handed all the gap-toothed butt-sniffing nose-picking anklebiters, as he well deserved. And normally, he would be all over that.

But right now, his eyes locked onto the swell of her breasts in the thin shirt she was wearing, he would much rather be all over _her._

His next thought was traumatizing, but unshakable.

What the hell would she do, if he leaned in and kissed her?

He could do it now. He could. Just to see what it was like. He glanced around the cafeteria and saw that they were completely alone. No one would ever have to know…

It was the strangest feeling in the world, whatever was coursing through his bloodstream. He recognized one of the many conflicting emotions as extreme nervousness; just because he wanted to kiss Sakura didn't mean she wanted to kiss him back. In fact, if the way she was constantly telling him all the ways she would like to kill him was any indication, she was repulsed by him. And that was their relationship, and it worked for them.

But you weren't supposed to kiss your worst enemy.

And Sasuke knew that even though Sakura was small and tiny and everything about her sickeningly feminine and delicate, she had a horrible temper and an even nastier left hook. Her rage knew no bounds, similar to the way a mother could lift a car off her child in a fit of adrenaline. He'd seen her uproot a mighty sequoia one summer when someone had gotten mud splattered on one of her medical textbooks.

Then again…

Sasuke's enmity for Sakura lacked any real venom. And he suspected it was the same on her end, too. They were just used to treating each other like garbage, since they'd always, always done so. It was a weird, bizarre, complicated camaraderie, but he could never say that he hated Sakura Haruno truly. She was way too much fun to have around.

That, and he'd been fantasizing about her since puberty. Maybe even before that. And people kissed each other all the time without it having to mean anything but that, right?

"So I'm thinking I'll take all the girls I had last year," Sakura was saying, balmy green eyes locked on the chart she was writing. Her handwriting was terrible; Sasuke wondered if she was getting good practice in right now to be a doctor. "They know me, they're comfortable with me, and more importantly, I know that none of them will stick a fork into an electrical socket just to see what it's like. Now, the younger girls, the little ones, we should probably give to Hinata, since Ino's frighteningly self-obsesssed and wouldn't care if they died, and Ami gets especially hungry at night and little ones can't defend themselves from her mighty jaws, so…"

Sasuke murmured an assent without really listening to what she was saying. He was drawing closer to her without realizing it. His brain shortcircuited and his body was carrying him straight to the gates of hell, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.

"Well, we're stuck doing this shit, so why don't you pick the ones you want, we'll give the horrible ones from last year to Naruto, and then just divvy out the other ones by age and stick 'em with someone?" Sakura looked irritated with the clipboard; it was impossible to gauge which children would be the good ones and which children would be the bad ones, since many of them were first-time campers. Their safest bet was to go with the ones they'd already met.

But Sasuke had completely lost interest in what she was doing, and when she turned to him to get his opinion, he was rewarded with the sight of her tan cheeks flushing a pretty pink.

"Why are you sitting so close?" she asked, her voice high-pitched like she was nervous, but not that she was angry or offended. This was good news. Girls were far more willing to kiss you if they weren't throwing punches. Sasuke knew this from TV. He didn't back away, instead glared at her, because it was all her fault he had absolutely no control over himself anymore.

If he just kissed her now and got it over with, maybe he would see that there was nothing so great about Sakura Haruno. Certainly nothing that made her so enticing to him yearround, that made him think about her all the time, that made him jealous of other guys who came near her. She was just an ordinary, regular girl who'd been given a very different set of rules when it came to him.

His gaze dropped determinedly to her lips. Pretty and pink just like the rest of her. He leaned in a little closer, close enough to hear her sharp intake of breath, and was just about to see if the reality compared favorably to the fantasy when…

"OI!"

A third voice ripped them apart from one another. Sasuke turned blazing, murderous eyes on the speaker; it was Naruto, standing in the doorway of the mess hall, rain falling behind him and fury in his eyes.

"WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU GIVING ME MONSTER KIDS?" he bellowed.

Well, any semblance of a moment had been thoroughly annihilated. Sasuke growled under his breath at Naruto's wretched timing, and snatched the clipboard from Sakura's hands.

"You're damn right we are," he snapped. "You fucking idiot, get the hell out of here."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND!" Naruto whined. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHERE DID I GO WRONG?"

"You. Were. Born," Sasuke ground out. "You're getting Big Greasy."

Naruto's eyes widened in fear. "Wh…what? Sasuke. No. You wouldn't do that to me. Would you? You wouldn't go that far."

Sakura giggled. Sasuke stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eyes; she looked perfectly relaxed, like they hadn't just shared a pre-kiss moment between enemies. He wasn't sure how to feel about that, not when he was so worked up, but at least she wasn't swinging.

"I think it's only fair, Naruto," she said serenely. "You DID get us lost on that wretched hike. Did you think there wouldn't be any repercussions?"

"But the punishment doesn't fit the crime!" Naruto sobbed, running to them. He seized Sakura's hands and held them like a drowning man clinging to a piece of driftwood. "Sakura, you wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't be so cruel. Not _Big Greasy._"

"His name is not Big Greasy," she sighed. "You guys are bullies. And pussies, also. His name is Makoto and he is a very nice little boy."

Sasuke snorted and crossed his arms. Typical Sakura not to see the absolute worst in a human being. And Big Greasy, named so because he was big and greasy, was probably the most repulsive child he'd ever had the misfortune to see. He liked to stick things in his mouth that weren't food, scream at the counselors, and hide in the woods. In short, a camp counselor's worst nightmare.

An evil smirk twisted his lips. And Naruto was going to have him. What a glorious turn of events.

"He's not nice, Sakura!" Naruto wailed. "Not to us, anyways! All the boys are nice to you because they think you're crazy hot, but when you turn your back…Sakura last year I caught him eating uncooked bacon in the kitchen. It was like watching one of this Discovery Channel specials where the bear rips into an innocent beaver and leaves nothing left."

"Bears don't eat beavers," Sakura replied mildly, examining her nails.

"The hell they don't," Naruto growled.

"Do they, Sasuke?" she asked him.

"Hn."

"BEARS ARE CARNIVALS, SASUKE! OF COURSE THEY EAT BEAVERS!"

"You mean 'carnivores,' Naruto. Honestly."

"STAY OUTTA THIS, SAKURA! CAN'T I AT LEAST HAVE KONOHAMARU AGAIN? THAT KID LOVED ME!"

"_Excuse me, you little blonde-headed fuck?!_"

Sasuke was just about to put Naruto in a headlock, choke him into submission, and then strangle Sakura to death, but the sound coming from outside stopped him.

Sakura, holding Naruto by the collar of his jacket with her fist cocked, froze completely. So did her hapless victim. All three of them turned wide, frightened eyes to the door Naruto had just come through.

There was no mistaking that sound. Sasuke often had nightmares about it during the school year. He'd wake up in a cold sweat and it would take him several minutes to calm down, and remind himself that he was safe at home, far away from this den of despair.

But he wasn't safe anymore.

His eyes narrowed.

"They're here," he mumbled.

Sakura let out a frightened whimper, and in her fear, she released Naruto, who massaged his neck and hissed, "Sasuke if you don't give me Big Greasy, I'll take latrine duty for a week."

"Hn," Sasuke replied. "A month."

"You gotta be fucking kid-"

"Naruto get me an umbrella," Sakura interrupted, apparently in no mood to listen to their haggling.

"What do you need an umbrella for?"

Sakura glared at him. Sasuke was sort of impressed. As something of a glare master, he gave her points on overall malicious intent and viciousness; for someone so pretty princess lovely, she certainly carried a whole lot of venom in her bloodstream.

_Much like the succubus,_ he thought, thinking of the demon who lured men to their painful demise with her beauty and charm.

In fact, the more he got to know Sakura, the more convinced he was that she was the succubus in real life.

"Because, you oblivious fleabag," she hissed, "I am wearing a white shirt and it is raining. And these children need to respect me and they will not respect me if they see my tits. Get. Me. An. Umbrella."

Sasuke felt that maybe he could respect her more if he saw her tits, but somehow he sensed that telling her so would land him in the hospital with his spinal column ripped out of his throat.

Naruto squeaked out an apology, afraid of Sakura's mighty fist, and scurried off to find her what she asked for in the supply closet, while she stood next to Sasuke, both of them peering out into the parking lot. It was pouring, but through the thick rainfall he could make out the camp counselors gathered in the lot and the three schoolbuses pulling up into the parking spaces. Since it was much darker than it usually was during the day, the bus drivers had their headlights turned on, and they shined like demon eyes through the gray. Next to him, Sasuke felt Sakura whimper.

The sound was, to his horror, completely attractive. He wondered if she'd make noises like that when he pounded her into her cot with reckless abandon, and…

"It's just one summer," she murmured under her breath. "One summer. It won't be too bad. It can't be that bad. I mean we've done this before, right? And we're older. And wiser. And we made sure that we handpicked all the good kids for ourselves because fair is fair. Just one summer, then we go to college and this is all just a really bad, surreal nightmare. Right?"

He sighed. "Aa."

"Here's your umbrella, Your Royal Highness," Naruto muttered dejectedly, pressing one into Sakura's hands.

"Thanks, Naruto," Sakura sighed. "You can have Konohamaru."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yup. And you can also have Makoto. Now not another word. Go round up the other counselors and have them bring the kids in, make sure everyone's warm and dry and uneaten by beaver-eating bears. We'll go check the roster with the bus drivers."

"Yes ma'am," Naruto moaned, and Sasuke was delighted with how miserable his best friend was, watching him stomp out into the rain like a man headed for execution. Served him right, considering what he'd heinously interrupted.

Sakura put up the umbrella, and made sure to hold it over Sasuke's head, too.

"You're wearing a white T-shirt too," she said simply. "And I know some of the younger girls would love nothing more than to see the outline of your fantastic body through the fabric if it gets wet."

He smirked wickedly, Sakura's offhand compliments stroking something close to his ego, but closer to his junk. "Fantastic body, huh?"

"It's an unfortunate fact of nature," she sighed. "The incubus, a male demon too physically attractive for his own good, often leads unwitting young girls to their unfortunate demise with his deceptive good looks."

He could have snorted at how similar their thoughts were, and wondered absently if, over the course of a few centuries, the incubus and succubus ever set aside their differences, realized how attractive the other one was, and got it in already.

Screaming erupted from outside. Sasuke couldn't tell if it was the hundreds of overexcited children pouring off the buses, or if it was the terrified counselors trying to save their own lives. Either way, he looked down at Sakura, who looked up at him.

It was time.

"Whatever happens to us after this," Sakura whispered, "I didn't deserve it. And you did. I want you to know that you deserve this."

"And I want you to know that I'm gonna drown you in the lake at some point this summer," he replied without missing a beat.

She seemed to accept that, and standing closer to him than she usually would so they could both fit under the umbrella, they set out together to confront their fate.

Maybe they would get brownie points in the afterlife, for handling their deaths with such poise and dignity.

Not that it mattered. This was officially threat level midnight. Code Blue. The point of no return.

The campers were here. Summer had begun.

* * *

Hey there! Told you I'd get around to it.

How'd I do?

xoxoDaisyxoxo


	6. Pod People

The campers were each assigned to their cabins, and sat accordingly in the cafeteria while Dr. Tsunade made her opening day speech.

Sakura sat next to Sasuke onstage behind her, not listening to a word of it.

_Did he seriously try to kiss me?_ she thought, slightly amazed, and completely unable to pay attention to whatever the director was saying. _I can't even process it, it's so unlike him, but…I think he might've tried to kiss me!_

The idea of asking him about it was more than embarrassing. Regardless of the truth, flat-out asking Sasuke Uchiha if he'd meant to kiss her that morning would have ended in disaster. He looked completely relaxed, like he hadn't just tried to revolutionize the foundation of their playful enmity, slouching somewhat in his seat, his bored, uninterested gaze on the children in the audience.

Did he have to be so fucking _handsome?_ It was completely unfair. He put zero effort into his appearance and woke up every day looking like a rock star.

Maybe if he wasn't so handsome, she wouldn't have been so disappointed when he _didn't_ kiss her.

"At this point, I'd like to introduce you to your head counselors this year," Tsunade said, and Sasuke nudged her sharply in the side with his elbow, jerking her out of her reverie.

"Hey, asshole, watch your bony ass elbow, you'll put someone's eye out!" Sakura snapped, rather loudly, and then her face promptly turned red as a tomato when she realized _everyone_ was staring at her. She'd forgotten where she was, apparently, and didn't realize that Sasuke was merely trying to get her to pay attention to the proceedings.

"…which is…um…part of camp safety training!" Sakura finished in a lame attempt at restoring some dignity.

Dr. Tsunade rolled her eyes and spoke into the microphone again.

"No doubt you'll recognize them as two of the most…er…qualified candidates for the job. They will serve as your counselor's supervisors; any problems may be brought to them. If you're not getting along with a fellow camper, if you miss your mommy and daddy…blah, blah, blah. Everyone, please give a big hand to Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno."

"Smooth," Sasuke muttered meanly to her as they both stood up to lukewarm applause from the campers and the other counselors.

"You are the bane of my existence," she replied through her bright smile, waving to the kids who no doubt would have no respect for her after that performance. "And when the time is right, I am going to put you out of my misery. And then there will be gladness."

"Sasuke and Sakura will hold office hours in the rec room every night from 8 to 10, unless they're needed for an activity," Tsunade continued, which Sakura, frankly, hadn't counted on. Two hours, _every night,_ with Sasuke? _Just_ Sasuke? She didn't miss Naruto's suggestive snicker or the way Kiba wolf-whistled, and neither did Sasuke, judging by the venom clouding his black eyes like a thunderstorm. "So if you have any problems, anything at all, that you don't feel comfortable discussing with your cabin counselor, or if you're just looking from some good advice from our…uh…I guess wisest counselors, be sure to stop by and see them. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," chorused all the little children, while Sakura battled back intense mental imagery of what kind of _activity_ she and Sasuke could participate in during their hours of forced interaction, and Sasuke fumed silently beside her.

"All right, great. Now, you have your assigned cabins, and those of you who have been here before, be a good citizen and help out the newcomers getting adjusted and all that sort of thing. We'll be showing a movie tonight in the auditorium since this rain shows no signs of letting up until tomorrow. Dinner is at six, so counselors, make sure your cabins show up on time. And as always…we're looking forward to a great summer here at Camp Konoha, thank you so much for joining us! Now let's have some fun!"

Sakura was almost, _almost_ impressed by Tsunade's warm maternal attitude, until she heard her mumble to Nurse Shizune, "Get me three bottles of sake. Don't bother with a glass. I'm gonna need that shit tonight."

She snorted.

"I'll meet you in the rec room tonight while they're watching the movie," she muttered to Sasuke, who didn't look to be in any better mood than she was, with his arms folded. Which, unfortunately, only accentuated how well-built he was, with his rock-hard, jacked as shit musculature and and and GOD SHE COULDN'T DO THIS. "So we can…do whatever the hell Tsunade's making us do because I thought she loved me but turns out she despises me."

"Hn. Whatever," he shot back dully, stalking towards his own cabin without so much as a goodbye. She glared after him, her momentary attraction to his good looks rebuffed by his unattractive attitude, and turned her back on him with a huff to focus her attention on her own cabin.

Moegi, Yuki, Asami, Ayaka, and Kotone were five girls she'd been in charge of last year, and as sweet, precocious eleven-year-olds, they'd been a camp counselor's dream. Relatively quiet and unassuming, noncombative, and friendly to one another, Sakura couldn't recall ever having to yell at a single one of them even once.

But as she faced the five girls she'd been so relieved to call her own once more, she was forced to reevaluate.

These were not the same sweet little girls she'd known a year ago. Just looking at them, Sakura couldn't fight the thrill of unease that coursed through her stomach.

Because she was looking _up_ at all of them.

"Hi, Miss Sakura!" Moegi said happily; apparently her heroworship of Sakura hadn't diminished over the year, which was kind of nice, considering the bored, unimpressed looks she was getting from the other girls. Moegi ran to her and threw her arms around her neck, while Sakura stumbled back a bit, because damn if all of these _cute little girls _weren't all _bigger than she was._

"Hi, girls!" she said, smiling awkwardly and fighting her wounded pride. It wasn't like she'd _asked_ to be barely five feet tall, but did these 12-year-old brats have to rub it in her face? "Nice seeing you all again. Did you guys have a good school year?"

"It was awesome!" Moegi answered right away, her red pigtails swinging to and fro in her excitement. "I'm going into _seventh grade_." She said it like it was an accomplishment; Sakura remembered stubborn pimples, greasy hair, and all the horrific changes of puberty, and decided not to spoil Moegi's eagerness to embrace the most difficult year of school with the truth about what she should be expecting.

"Does this camp have wifi?" asked Kotone, whom Sakura always remembered to be a soft-spoken, studious little girl, but who now held an iPhone in her hands like it held the answer to life's mysteries.

"No."

"What did you expect?" sneered Ayaka, snottier than Sakura recalled, wearing far too much makeup and far too little clothing, her eyes shooting to Kiba's campers. "This place is a _total_ dump."

Sakura raised her eyebrows. Okay, yeah, she agreed, but where the hell was sweet little Ayaka who'd made such lovely macrame the previous summer?

"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT WIFI?" moaned Yuki. "NO FACEBOOK, NO TWITTER, NO…UGH!"

"What a lame summer," drawled Asami, who Sakura was surprised to see seemed to have grown bored of her honey blonde bob, and dyed it black, along with her entire wardrobe. "I should've consulted with Satan before I let my parents sign me up for this."

Satan? Sakura bit her lip.

"Well, let's get your stuff unpacked in our cabin," she said, deciding to head off whatever preteen angst session her campers were about to indulge in before it started. She remembered being 12 and moody, irritated easily and focused entirely on herself and boys and nothing else. How could she have forgotten that when picking her cabin roster?!

Eleven-year-olds and twelve-year-olds were entirely, completely different. Hormones, and puberty, and preteen brooding made them almost impossible to deal with, something she'd totally overlooked. Suddenly, her easy cabin roster wasn't looking so easy.

* * *

"You should see them, Sasuke!" Sakura moaned, a few hours later. The entire camp was gathered in the auditorium after dinner to watch Finding Nemo, what with the horrible weather outside wreaking havoc on any plans they might've had for some outdoor activities. "They're like…they're like _pod people._"

"What're you talking about," he muttered, sounding very uninterested, but damn it he was the only person she could talk to right now, what with the other counselors locked up with the children in the auditorium.

"I'm saying, last year, I had the perfect fucking cabin. _Idyllic,_ even. Moegi, who worshipped the ground I walked on, well, she's still the same I guess. But the others? They're pod people, Sasuke! Asami's a Satanist, apparently, and she's been carving _pentagrams_ into the walls since they unpacked their shit. And all Kotone cares about is updating her Facebook profile even though Facebook SUCKS, and Ayaka, maybe the sweetest girl on the planet last year, is in that really awful phase where everything's lame except boys and DAMN DOES THAT BITTY OVERDO IT WITH EYELINER. Yuki's the same way, she cried for forty-five minutes when she remembered she left her Uggs at home. And all of them are fighting like cats. It's like…it's like that episode of Hey Arnold. You know, the one where he goes to visit Cousin Arnie in Bumblefuck, or whatever? And there's the same characters in Bumblefuck like Harold and Gerald and Helga, only their personalities are flipped? That's what it's like for me. Sasuke I don't know how I could've overlooked this. But twelve-year-olds? They're like YETIS."

"It's only been one day," he snapped, laying down on the worn yellow sofa in the rec room, his arms behind his head. "You can't even hack it for one day?"

"Well what about _your_ kids?" she demanded, affronted at his attitude as always. "Perfect little _angels?_"

Sasuke snorted. "Hardly. But they know their place."

"You mean they're afraid of you."

He chuckled. "Exactly."

"How am I supposed to get my girls to fear me? They're all _taller_ than me."

He chuckled again, supremely amused by her inferiority complex. "I saw that. You look like a camper. Or better yet, like the little sister of one of the campers who ain't old enough to get into camp yet."

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Sakura snapped, flopping down on the other end of the couch with her arms crossed. "Well, we'll see who's laughing when I QUIT this shit, and you're stuck planning the getting-to-know-you dance all on your own."

"You'd lose your scholarship." Sasuke easily called her bluff without even looking at her.

"Do you _remember_ being twelve, Sasuke? I do. I couldn't control my emotions…"

"Still can't."

"…I was pissed off at the slightest provocation…"

"Still are."

"…all I cared about was getting a boy to kiss me and _every single thing_ felt like the end of the world. And YOU were like a twelve-year-old girl to the eighth degree, by the way."

"The hell's that supposed to mean."

"You had that broody, misunderstood, no-one-gets-me-because-my-daddy's-rich-and-no-one-understands-my-struggle thing going on. Still do, actually, so…"

"Shut up, Sakura," he sighed, sitting up finally and pinching the bridge of his nose to convey his sheer annoyance. "Why are we even here."

"In case any campers want to complain," Sakura mumbled. "Like any of them are gonna try and cross _you,_ though. You scare them into obedience. I can't do that; they're not intimidated by me at all. Which makes no sense, because I scare grown men when I feel like it. Naruto's particularly afraid of me."

"If Naruto's the standard to which you're judging grown men, maybe that's your problem."

"Maybe."

They lapsed into a few minutes of silence, but it wasn't awkward; one of the things Sakura enjoyed most about Sasuke, though she would never, ever admit it, were the moments they spent quietly together, just enjoying each other's company. Well, maybe he didn't particularly _enjoy_ her company, but he wasn't fighting her off, anyway. She liked those moments best.

"When's this dumbass dance, anyways," Sasuke asked after awhile, his eyes on the water-stained ceiling.

"This Friday," she sighed. "As in…we have four days to plan this. And if it sucks, we're gonna have to deal with the backlash. Keep in mind _Ino_ is among the people we have to impress."

"Shit. Damn it, what's the point in having a dance for _kids?_ Some of these fucking campers are _six._"

"Not many, though," Sakura sighed. "Most of them are returning campers…the dance is for 12 and up, according to Tsunade. Which is…the majority of camp, unfortunately. But you're right, though. It sends a mixed message. Send your children to us, parents! We will sexualize them and force them to interact with others to incite a romantic connection!"

"Probably would've looked better on the brochure," Sasuke quipped, and Sakura laughed.

For someone who spoke maybe a hundred words a year, he certainly had a smart mouth. And Sakura liked men with smart mouths.

Did he really have no idea that she liked him? Really? Was he _that_ oblivious?

Her thoughts dragged her inexorably back to that morning, to that look in Sasuke's eyes like he was _hungry,_ to his closeness, and her certainty that if Naruto hadn't interrupted _like a big fucking asshole,_ he would have closed the distance between them and…

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sasuke demanded. She blinked and looked at him quizzically. "You look crazy. Close your mouth."

Sakura's jaw snapped shut and she blushed furiously, pointedly looking away so he wouldn't see her mortification. She kept forgetting where she was when her mind shut down and thoughts of Sasuke crowded inside her brain. It was like every synapse shortcircuited in his presence, and her attraction to him was taking precedence over every single thing else in her life.

She was setting herself up for failure, she just knew it, reading into things like the non-incident that morning. Sasuke wasn't interested in her, didn't seem to be interested in _anyone,_ and to convince herself otherwise by seeing things that just weren't there was going to lead her straight off a cliff.

"What the hell is wrong with _you?"_ she shot back before she could stop herself, jumping off the couch like it had caught fire.

He stared at her like she was a maniac.

"You think I don't know what you were doing today in the caf?" she snapped. "Well I do, so think again!"

He jumped up, too, looking angry and a little flushed. "And what's that?" he demanded.

"You were gonna _kiss_ me," she hissed, like it was indecent, and she couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Now he was gonna deny it, tell her she was stupid and vain to think he'd ever be interested in kissing someone like her, and make her feel awful and tiny and even tinier than she felt among her campers, and…

"So what?" Sasuke snapped. "You were gonna kiss me back!"

"Oh yeah right! Like I…wait. What?"

Did he really just…? Aware she was gaping at him, she managed, "You…_were_ gonna kiss me? But why? You hate me. I hate you. That's our thing."

His ears were red, and the expression on his face was decidedly uncomfortable, but he still managed to focus enough disgust into his eyes to make her feel sufficiently inadequate.

"I don't _actually_ hate you," he snapped. "I just think you're crazy and fucking stupid and fucking ridiculous."

"Only sometimes!" she argued. "Only sometimes am I those things, you hog!"

"And you're overdramatic as _shit,_" he went on, advancing on her now with anger and frustration and something _else_ in his eyes. "And you're neurotic and naïve about _everything_," he came even closer, until Sakura was backed up against the door, eyes wide and legs completely immobile, "…and you act like it's this huge deal when I maybe wanted to kiss you, and the whole time, you were gonna kiss me back, so why the hell are you freaking out?"

"It's my way!" she hissed, but it lacked any real poison, because she was so overwhelmed by his presence, and his revelation.

It wasn't a love confession, it wasn't even "I have a crush on you, Sakura." It was the simple truth that he was attracted to her, and wanted to kiss her. And that floored her, because to her knowledge, Sasuke hadn't so much as held a girl's hand in his entire life.

He was too close now. He smelled like mint and fire, and the combination made her dizzy. His stomach was pressed up against hers, hands on the wall behind her to hold her in place, and his gaze dropped to her lips.

"Sasuke, what're you…this is _crazy,_ someone's gonna see…" She was panicking now, but she couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

"Shut up, Sakura."

"But…"

"I said shut _up._"

She opened her mouth to argue the point, to tell him how ridiculous it was to mess around with her like this when _anyone_ could walk into the room and see, to tell him to knock it off before things got out of hand; she raised her hands to push him away, but whatever protest she was about to make died in her throat as Sasuke sealed his lips against hers.

* * *

**note..** yeah, they kissed. but that doesn't mean anything...got a whole summer to go, right? and we all know kissing doesn't equal a good relationship, right? HOPE SO, Y'ALL. LONG WAY TO GO AND JUNK.

Let me know what you think, silent readers. :)


	7. Frenemies with Benefits

She _didn't_ taste like strawberries.

Surprisingly, the one thought that pervaded his senses as his mouth moved feverishly against Sakura's was that she didn't taste like strawberries. One might think, just to look at her, that she would; or cotton candy, or sugar, but he could now safely say that Sakura Haruno tasted just like cinnamon.

Outside it continued to thunder, and in the auditorium a hundred yards away, he could hear children's laughter as they all watched Dory convince everyone she could speak whale, and it never once occurred to him that what he was doing was wrong on any level. How could it be? Sakura had driven him crazy since they were children. He had every right in the world to kiss her.

And he had no idea how experienced she was, but he had no complaints about her kissing ability. After about a half second of insincere protest, she melted against him, her chest pressed against his, her hands sliding up his torso to settle in his hair, angling his head to deepen the kiss. He growled a little and ground his hips into hers, and was pleased with the slight squeal she released at the intimate contact.

Sometimes you never wanted your fantasy to come true, because the reality didn't stack up.

This was not one of those cases.

In a fit of hormones, he grabbed Sakura's waist and tossed her sloppily onto the yellow sofa he'd just vacated. She looked up at him through half-lidded green eyes, her lips red and slightly swollen, her hair messy from his hands; electrified by the picture she made, he was on top of her in an instant, attacking her mouth with renewed vigor.

But with the change in altitude, Sakura apparently reached the conclusion he'd so eagerly dismissed on his own:

This was a BAD IDEA.

"Shit!" she squealed, shoving him ruthlessly, and he found himself sprawled on the carpet while she scrambled to collect herself. "Sasuke, what the _hell?_"

Angry, he stood up, dusting himself off, and shot her a dirty look, like it was all her fault.

Sakura seemed to disagree.

"You idiot, you can't just go around _kissing people!_" she screeched; vaguely, he hoped that the others in the auditorium couldn't hear her, but he doubted people in _Uruguay_ would be able to miss that hellish shriek. "What the hell is wrong with you? I should report your ass!"

"You kissed me back!" he argued.

"I did not!"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and settled himself for the tantrum he knew was sure to follow.

"You're like a crazed animal!" she accused, her eyes wild as she stomped around the room like a fire-breathing dragon. "You know what? I wish I had one of those chains with the spiked ball on the end. Yeah. And I would use it to crush your _dick_ because it seems to rule every decision you ever made!"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"That you're either _being_ a dick to me, or trying to _use_ your dick on me! You dick!"

"Don't flatter yourself," he sneered, even though they _both_ knew things had been heading that way.

Would he have stopped, if Sakura hadn't stopped him? It would have been hard, but yes, he was quite sure he wouldn't have let it go that far. At least not right away. Sakura might be a huge, insanely annoying headache, but something told him sex on the same night he'd kissed her for the first time was crossing the line.

Even if she seemed like a more than willing participant not five seconds ago.

"Calm down," he snapped. "You're hyperventilating over nothing."

"I don't get it, Sasuke! You hate me! I hate you! That's our thing!"

"I don't hate you, you moron."

"Well, I hate you!"

The satisfied smirk he gave her told her exactly what he thought of that, and she rolled her eyes.

"You know what I'm saying!" she retorted. "What are we, if we're not fighting all the time?"

"Friends," he bit out. It was obvious to him, it had to have been obvious to her. His friendship with Sakura was rooted in this faux mutual enmity that had no basis in reality. They had just simply never learned to get along with one another without exchanging meaningless insults. That didn't mean they couldn't hook up.

"And…maybe we could be something _more_ than that…" he said cautiously.

The words were uncomfortable to say and sounded even worse than that, but he had to measure her reaction. He studied her carefully as she froze in her wild pacing.

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously. "Like…friends…with _benefits?_"

It seemed like a reasonable compromise to him. They could carry on their current friendship as consistently as they always did, just with the added bonus of hooking up in secret. Maybe finally getting his hands on her distracting body would alleviate some of the tension between them, help him out of this bizarre phase where his mortal enemy seemed to eclipse and encompass the whole of her gender for him.

People did this all the time. No strings. No harm done.

"Aa," he replied.

It was a perfect, perfect arrangement. Surely Sakura would see it that way as well. She was many things, but she was not stupid.

Well, okay, she _was_ stupid, but only about stupid girly things.

Her brow was furrowed in thought as she sat down on one of the armrests on the horrible yellow couch. "I mean…I guess there are definite advantages to it," she said slowly. "We could…no, wait, what am I saying? This is crazy. We are _not_ having this conversation."

"What's so crazy about it?" he snapped, irritated. "Nothing has to change. No one has to know. It's not a big deal. It's just us acting on our attraction to each other rather than trying to bury it under fake ass animosity."

Sakura raised her eyebrows, looking slightly impressed.

"That's…surprisingly eloquent of you."

"Bitch."

"And back to the status quo. Well…I might be a tight-ass but I'm not afraid of _you._ So if you think you can handle me, and this scenario…then I'm in."

Just as he thought, she was quick to see sense. A slow smirk unfolded on his lips and he stood up with all the intent in the world of picking up where they'd left off, when she stopped him, her eyes narrowed.

"_No one_ can know," she said severely. "Understand me? That means you don't go and brag to your bros about this. And I won't tell any of my girls either. This has to stay completely between us."

"Obviously," he snapped. Did she think he was stupid?

"Not to _mention,_ if Tsunade found out her two Head Counselors were hooking up behind her back, she'd fire us both, throw us out into the street, call up KU and have our scholarships revoked, sterilize you and carve out my eyes to make jelly for her bread…"

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Pinky swear it," Sakura ordered, ignoring his reaction completely. She held up her left pinky to seal the deal. "And remember that if you break a pinky swear, you go right to hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.00. Just hell."

"I fucking _know,_ Sakura." He was a grown ass man. Did she really believe he didn't know how pinky swears worked? You only pinky swore to something if you were really going to see it through; breaking that holy finger vow was as low as you could get. In sheer irritation, he locked his pinky around hers. "You're so fucking lucky you're hot."

"Likewise," she sniffed. "Now if you _don't_ mind, I hear the end credits rolling. And my hellions need me to escort them back across the bridge to our cabins. Seeing how we got absolutely nowhere planning this stupid fucking dance, we'll have to work double time tomorrow."

"Whatever, Sakura."

And just like that, their entire dynamic changed completely. He wasn't sure where this was going, but what could possibly go wrong with an easy, secret, discreet, no-frills, no-strings friends with benefits situation?

Really?

_Foolproof._

* * *

Sasuke was relatively shameless, and could freely admit to himself that he couldn't name a single boy in his cabin.

Yes, he'd had all of them last year. And by all rights, he should have gotten around to remembering one or two of them at least, but it wasn't his fault that they simply weren't interesting to him. If they weren't so dull and boring and _young,_ then maybe he would have bothered to get to know them better.

He numbered them in his head, 1 through 6, and sometimes he had nicknames for them depending on the situation.

"Hey, Lardass. Get out of the emergency snack rations."

"Put a shirt on, Big Nipple."

"Get outta my face, Booger Eater."

But for all of that, he still had the best-behaved cabin in the camp. Mainly because he knew none of the little bastards were ever going to give him backsass. He was fucking fiercesome like that, and didn't need to scream or yell at the underlings to let them know who was boss. That was Sakura's problem; she was tiny and unintimidating. If she grew a couple of inches and learned how to carry herself like he did, with bone-chilling menace, then maybe she wouldn't have such a hard time with her campers.

After the movie, he escorted (marched) Big Nipple, Lardass, Booger Eater, the Professor, Dickhead, and Plop back to Cabin 7. The rain had cleared up by then, but the pathways were muddy and gross. Still, none of the boys complained one iota to him, too petrified of his divine retribution to cause him any undue inconvenience. He smirked, and enjoyed his power.

This summer was going to be a _breeze._

Not only did he have a handle on his own cabin (as per usual), he also had a reasonable amount of control over the entire camp, enough to ensure that Naruto would be kept sufficiently busy with awful things and he, Sasuke, would be kept sufficiently amused. This would look sparkling on his applications, his involvement in this stupid summer camp in such a high position of power. And, not to mention, he was about to enter a no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits relationship with the prettiest, most aggravating girl in history.

Perhaps he'd come into Camp Konoha with the wrong attitude. Perhaps there was absolutely nothing to this whole Head Counselor shtick.

"Excuse me, Your Highness," squeaked the Professor, a short kid with round glasses and a perennial nose drip. Since none of his cabinmates seemed to know how to address him, they each chose a different term of respect. 'Your Highness' had a decent ring to it, so Sasuke didn't ignore the kid.

"What the hell do you want."

"There's…something wrong with our cabin."

"What do you mean," Sasuke demanded, in no mood for guessing games. Trembling, the Professor pointed ahead at Cabin 7. Black eyes swiveled in that direction, then narrowed in fury.

Toilet paper hung in reams from the rooftop of little Cabin 7. It was soaking wet and clumped stickily to the woodwork and the trees on either side, clinging to the branches. And from the flagpole that usually proudly displayed the Camp Konoha flag right above the doorway, hung a pair of familiar navy-blue boxer shorts, blowing mightily in the post-storm wind.

And on the boxer shorts Sasuke instantly recognized as his own was a pristine sign emblazoned with red Magic Marker letters reading:

"Head Counselor Butthole."

Sasuke's cabinmates all snickered into their hands, all respect/fear for him evaporated in this most egregious scandal. The other boys' camp counselors _and_ all of their underlings crowded around outside Cabin 7 to share in the amusement; the look in Kiba's face was especially horrendous, and Shikamaru even took a break from his break-taking to smirk.

Sasuke growled under his breath, hands trembling into white-knuckled fists, as he uttered one breathy word that managed to contain all of the malice of a thousand years:

"_Naruto._"

* * *

**note..** miss me? :) i promise i'll get around to all my stories eventually, y'all. just please have some patience and remember this is a hobby for me. i can't be held to no schedule, yadig.

so. we all know how nothing EVER goes wrong with a no-strings-attached relationship, right? RIGHT? no. god no. of course not. not with these two, anyway. more team 7 hijinx, sasuke/sakura steaminess, and camp konoha bullshittery to come soon, if you stick around and find out.


End file.
